Thursday, October 2, 2008

The Horny Creek Chronicles: Dramatis Personae

(Written sometime in 2006, after the events chronicled in "The Stair Night" story)

It occurred to me while writing down the events of "The Stair Night" that, if I am going to keep writing these pseudo-memoirs, I really ought to provide a little bit of background on a few of the major players that will appear in these stories regularly.

Stories you tell other people are more often than not "only funny if you know ______" or "you really had to be there". In an effort to dispel some of this so people can get as much enjoyment as possible out of this stuff, I've developed a basic dramatis personae of some of the main characters who accompany me on these silly journeys. I've included it as a separate post because "The Stair Night" wound up being really goddamn long, mostly due to footnoted information that didn't really have to be there. It's a learning process folks; bear with me.

At any rate, without further ado, I present my brief introduction and first cast list. Other players will be introduced as they come along, possibly in later incarnations of this post if the need arises.

I've been very fortunate in my life to meet a wide variety of extremely cool people who have taken on the unenviable task of befriending me. Many of them are intelligent, reasonable people with their feet on the ground and their heads on straight; they are friendly and engaging, and have goals, careers, motivation, and all the other positive qualities you would expect to find in up-and-comers of my generation. Needless to say, they make perfect foils for someone like me, who in contrast has no real goals to speak of, is gainfully unemployed, whose motivation extends barely far enough to get up from the laptop to make a coffee, and who is generally considered an all-round egotist cynical prick. As I've said before, I truly don't understand why these people continue associating with me, but I count myself lucky that they do.

There are others that I count as friends, however, who in some way, shape or form, manage to sideline their goals, careers and motivation in order to exist (at least in my mind) in some kind of tandem with my more, shall we say, passive-aggressive worldview. These people have the unique ability to combine the best traits of my other friends with the worst traits in me. They have careers as well as the skills which will allow them to attain a high degree of success; they are friendly, sociable people who make friends easily; they have great game and are found attractive by the opposite sex; all in all, they are outstanding people. They also have the penchant for rampant insanity that I have. The four men I have in mind have been mentioned in some of my previous posts, but have yet to be spotlighted.

The Captain: Former boss. Tall, lanky white boy who kind of looks like the dude that starred in Euro Trip (we noticed this while watching on Saturday; see "The Stair Night"). Laughs often and easily; isn't nearly as cynical as he comes off sometimes. Brilliant environmental engineer (running his own building at 21). Closet Star Trek fan. Devoted friend, boyfriend, son; generous bar buddy. All-round Good Canadian Boy. Drinks like a fish.

E-Dubb: Former employee underling. Shorter, built solid, mixed ethnic background which
includes Polish and something that makes him brown-ish. Haircut we've come to describe as the Signature E-Dubb Hair - think Mexican Kurt Cobain. Computer whiz; works for video game store. Closet techno-geek. Budding musician. Sarcastic bastard with a quick wit and no real moral filter. Very devoted son; lives at home voluntarily to help out his mom. Always up for intoxication. Drinks like a smaller fish.

G: Best friend of almost ten years. Metrosexual and yet masculine (go figure). Respectable
(!). Genius technical theater manager in his last year of school. Thinks far worse things than he ever says. Unbelievably good game. Sense of humour completely on-par with my own. Most dependable man you want to know. Drinks like he means it. And he does.

Brody: Former mall rat (hence the moniker). Completely morally bereft. No social skills to
speak of. Loud, obnoxious, brazenly inappropriate at any given time. Emotionally stagnate after a girl broke his heart. The only one on this list that doesn't embody any of the "good" characteristics. A goddamn train-wreck waiting to happen. Drinks like the bastard son of Winston Churchill and Courtney Love.

Now, in an effort to organize the repertoire of stories I'm trying to write down from memory, I'm starting with the more recent and well-worn of these and moving backwards, so G is not likely to make an appearance for some time. Too bad for him. In the meantime I'm going to focus my next few posts on the events that made working at Horny Creek so very much fun. The Freak Parade continues

1 comment:

mystysaint said...

I think I drink like a guppy, but it is a fish. So it counts.

:)

So now I have the cast of characters. Back for more in a bit.